More Than Enough
When I was young, I was too young. When I was looking for a job, I was a too country girl. When I got my first job, I was too “female”. I moved to another country but there, I was too foreign. When I had my kids, I was too much a mother. When I finally found the courage to stand up, they think I am too old.
My whole life I have been naive in believing: “you just have to walk the walk, work hard and be honest to others and yourself. In school, in the workplace, you are not a woman. You are a brain, an intelligent mind that will contribute to building a better world and a great future.”
I always thought I had my chances in life. I have never believed that discrimination existed. I thought it was in my head. I thought when people get to know me, they will like me. They will like me because I am smart, I blend in, and I am well-behaved.
Every day during my adult life I was proven wrong, but I have always refused to admit it. It is in my head. “People are naturally good,” said Rousseau, I am smart, I work hard, I am kind. It never occurred to me that I was lacking something. A friend told me a few decades ago, that the reason I am not succeeding is that I am too nice. This is still haunting me, another surplus again.
My whole life I was told and made feel that I was too much of something, too young, too foreign, too nice, too girly, too motherly, too old… I had everything in excess. It is only now after several decades that I just realize that I have always been more than enough, but they were lacking vision, good judgment, an open mind, and acceptance. I have wasted all these years beating myself up, thinking I wasn’t enough, while all that excess was my gift. A gift that I could have used to fill in their emptiness and lack of.
My advice to all of you who are told to be in excess of anything is: do not believe a word of it, you are just more than enough and that is your wealth and your gift.
