Empathy
From the workplace to politicians, and into our own homes, empathy is becoming the trend. Can one teach empathy?
A couple of years ago a parent talking about his teenage child’s education told me: “I am trying to get her to learn about empathy, it will be very important in her future career”. I thought it was interesting. Kids are taught to excel and be the best in everything from academics and extracurricular activities from early on. Not only do they need to be good, but they also need to stick out of the bunch by any means possible to get that spot in that great school. So, is empathy something you can learn like an academic subject and get a certificate for?
Empathy is a feeling, it certainly can be taught, but not by a teacher or a book or a club. It is taught by life environment and upbringing. One needs to grow in a family or among people who genuinely care about others. I believe empathy can be taught by example.
The other way to acquire an empathetic mind is through the sufferings we went through in our lives. It is no surprise that the most compassionate and empathetic people are the ones who have been mistreated by life. Just listen to all survivors, from wars, sickness, and injustices, they know the pain and they understand how and where it hurts. I hear often friends who travel to poorer countries talk about how nice, generous and welcoming people are. And this is so true. I traveled to such places, as a student. Many students I met there, and their parents made everything they could to make me feel welcome, they shared their meals, home, and culture. “It must be hard to be far from your family, if you need anything let us know” they would often say. This not only comforted me but made me feel safe and accepted. I learned so much from my international friends and their families. They made me intellectually and spiritually wealthier. That kind of wealth cannot be measured or invested at Wall Street, but it can be shared indefinitely.
It takes a village to raise a child, we say, and I would add it takes the world to raise a compassionate, empathetic human. But one doesn’t have to travel the seven seas or experience a human tragedy to acquire an empathetic mind. It can happen right at our doorstep, at work, at school. It is all about mindset.
Go for a walk, then silence in your head who society told you are, your profession, your social status, education, where you leave, all these do not define you as the human you are. Now that you are lighter, on your walk, observe people (do not stare), try to imagine that like you they have a lot going on in their mind. That father playing with his kid might be worried about his child’s college or his future or maybe he is really overjoyed by seeing his kid running and laughing. That old lady seems like she visited her kids from a faraway country, she might have to go back home tomorrow and will not see her kids and grandkids for a while, she might be worried. And that mom wiping her kid’s tears from a tantrum or maybe he is just missing his deployed dad. We all carry our own cross on our shoulders, so we need to look at each other through our hearts first. The same goes at work, or school, or in the store, we need to see each other and assume that everyone is a human, who might be struggling, keep our ears on and eyes open to hear them, and see them. We cannot and shouldn’t fix other people’s problems but acknowledging their struggles instead of drowning them into them will help.
Empathy is “knowing thyself” to better understand others and acknowledging that others like us are human. Humans who come also, with their share of failures, regrets, losses, heartbreaks, and are battling whatever life throws at them. Empathy is not a line on a resume. It is a whole mindset of caring. Can it be taught?
